This city is hard on me. It's loud and dirty and there are people everywhere. I'm not pushing myself as hard as I should be, and that's a hard thing to realize. Why aren't I? I just get so scared, I think. Of everything. And I'm lazy too - I'd rather sleep late than do anything else. I've been having more "down" days since I've been here than I have in a while. And maybe they've been harder than usual to pull myself out of.
I don't like all the uncertainty. Bill Butler's assistant called me last Thursday I think it was, apologized for not getting back to me sooner (busy with the Golden Globes and all that), and told me Bill had given my name to another agent at Gersh who was going to give me a call. And she hasn't yet. And I didn't quite catch her name so I can't call a leave a message with her, even if I should do that. And if she does call, then what should I do? What should I be doing to prepare? I mean, I do want this, all of this, don't I?
'Unveiling' at Princeton started rehearsing yesterday. This is going to be a lot of individual work on my part - we're only doing two more rehearsals before tech week (probably largely due to me, since it's so far for me travel).
But back to the subject. I've just been feeling a little less than everyone else. Less intelligent, less funny, less fashionable, less driven, less talented, weighing more, less interesting. I know this is not a road I want to go do, but I just don't know quite yet what will help me snap out of it.
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